Monday, 23 February 2009

(ex) Ex Lion Tamer

we used to be called Ex Lion Tamers but we outgrew it, it carried too many connotations of something we never were, and music journalists are generally quite lazy so we thought we'd make them work a bit harder for their money.

this is my goodbye

.......Brighton train station 3:47.......

-'station master! station master! there's a lion on the line!'                                   

-'what are you talking about boy, it surely must be a lie that there is a lion on the line.......By God! so there is a lion on the line over there on platform nine! we better call Mr Lime the lion tamer to get this lion off the line on platform nine'

-It took Mr Lime 3+3+3 minutes, which is nine, to get to the scene of the crime. The Station Master explains with increasing anxiety....

-'Mr Lime there is a lion lying on the line over there on platform 9!'

-'well what is he lieing about?' enquired Mr Lime

-He's lying! not lieing! screams the Station Master with blood-boiling frustration as the impossibility of the English language's subtelties dawn on him hence increasing the surreal nature of this whole episode

-'Could you explain yourself a tad more clearly there Mr Master? is he a lier or a liar? because i've never heard of a lion lieing on the line...come to think of it i've never heard a lion speak let alone lie... it seems to me station master that you are lieing and that you are in fact the liar!

in a fit of rage (worthy of Lucifer himself) that could only be summoned, by what must have seemed like, the eternal torment of the damned, the Station Master declares

-'he is lying! resting horizontally on the line at platform 9 is this lion Mr Lime! You must hurry because of the time Mr Lime; you see it is 3:58 and the train from Lyon arrives at 3:59 and it will surely hit this lion lying on the line in a short period of time!'

With this Mr Lime jumps on to the line at platform 9 to tame the lion that is lying on the line........but not in time...........for the 3:59 from Lyon hits Mr Lime the lion tamer and the lion lying on the line at platform 9, and in this way Mr Lime and the lion DIE..............R.I.P.

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